Dyspraxia Awareness

About Me and my Dyspraxia

Welcome.

This will be the third iteration of this particular blog entry and I thought since it’s had positive feedback in the past I thought I’d use it to finally kick off this website.

I’ve tried to get a Dyspraxia blog going before and I’ll be doing so again here in this dedicated website for Dyspraxia. You see, I’m also a web designer and I designed this website in WordPress with my own custom WordPress theme.

Another website for Dyspraxia awareness cannot be a bad thing! 🙂

What is Dyspraxia?

I often tell people about the fact I have Dyspraxia and how it affects me in daily life. Mostly, I laugh it off and tell people it just makes me clumsy. I bump into objects, walls and sometimes, I have to admit, people.

Sometimes well meaning people say to me “Oh I do this all the time too, it’s not a Dyspraxia thing” which may well have a ring of truth to it. It also may well be true that I’m seeking a tiny bit of reassurance from my sharing about Dyspraxia but above all else my goal is just to raise awareness.

I become forgetful. My brain shuts down, at times mid flow and I can lose my mojo mid task at any given moment and my movements are uncoordinated and at times forced.

Has anyone ever walked into a room to do something and by the time they get there, completely forget what they went into that room for? We all do that, but I suspect me more than most.

Has anyone ever made that awkward and annoying Freudian slip where you know exactly what you want to say but before you know it; before you can stop it, something completely different comes out of your mouth. We all do that, but I suspect me more than most.

Has anyone ever faced the scorn of their peers because their performance in sport is just not up to scratch with the rest because their reactions and coordination are just not the same. We all have at times I suppose but I suspect me more than most.

But it turns out none of it was actually my fault.

In the spring of 1999, I was finally given a name for all my problems and developmental struggles as a young lad. We travelled up to Edinburgh to the Institute for Neurophysiological Psychology (INPP) where my needs were assessed and at that point I was introduced to Dyspraxia

The problem is, I am so Dyspraxic I often forget (At this point I’m aware I keep referring to forgetfulness – Dyspraxia is not all about that) how to describe this learning difficulty.

And when I do, I go to this website. www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk

This is the website for the Dyspraxia foundation, and this is what the website says about what Dyspraxia is.

Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD), also known as dyspraxia, is a common disorder affecting fine and/or gross motor coordination in children and adults. DCD is formally recognised by international organisations including the World Health Organisation. DCD is distinct from other motor disorders such as cerebral palsy and stroke, and occurs across the range of intellectual abilities. Individuals may vary in how their difficulties present: these may change over time depending on environmental demands and life experiences, and will persist into adulthood.

https://dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/

It could manifest itself as one or some of a range of physical and mental difficulties but really it affects pretty much everything I do. It affects everything about who I am; how I am; how I present myself; how I do simple tasks, how I move is affected by a disruption of chemical messages, the way the brain transmits information.

Because of this, how I do anything is outwardly chaotic, almost like I see the world in an uncoordinated and can’t see the order in things around me. My brain is so filled with all sorts of thoughts; clutter; daydreams; that annoying song I can’t get out of my head, all of which I have to cope with but can’t seem to put order to.

People with Dyspraxia can suffer from problems with the following:

• Clumsy movement and gait
• Reading and spelling
• Handwriting
• Speech and Language
• Perception and thought.
• All of which I can attest I’ve had problems with as I was growing up. So there we have it. Dyspraxia, quite simply is an immaturity of the way the brain organises information.

All of which I can attest I’ve had problems with as I was growing up. So there we have it. Dyspraxia, quite simply is an immaturity of the way the brain organises information.

How badly Dyspraxic am I?

Dyspraxia can affect people in different ways. No two Dyspraxia sufferers are the same and it exists on a spectrum.

When I was growing up, I always seemed to think of myself as “less” than everyone else. I had a smaller circle of friends than most of my peers, I always had a helper with me in junior school and in some cases secondary school to help with certain lessons and tasks and later on I did my exams in a separate room from the main hall.

You see from an early age, I was on a Statement of Education Needs and later on, I learned that from a baby, I was predicted as having very little chance of coping with mainstream education. Sounds like to me I was a write off from the word go.

This next section of this post is not scientific. I went through a lot of scientific tests in my visits to the INPP but I thought I’d measure what affects me most with my Dyspraxia. I suspect different dyspraxics struggle with different things more than others.

Most of what Dyspraxia foundation says about being a dyspraxic infant rings true to me. I was hesitant; timid; quiet and closed. Most of my drawing and art work was clumsy. I had to think hard to produce any kind of neat handwriting rather than having it develop naturally. I had poor hand grip and even as a young lad I wasn’t a particularly sociable boy, choosing to stick to a small group of preferred friends. In fact, I got the sense that I wasn’t much liked by too many of the other children.

But I’ve long since made it to adulthood, I haven’t gone back to INPP for some time, our treatments were private and not on the NHS so we had to pay. The Dyspraxia foundation lists the common difficulties that people face. You can find the specifics on the link below but I want to go through each group of symptoms and reflect on how I’m affected by each.

Gross motor co-ordination skills (large movements):

I do have poor balance and I can easily get very tired. As a Dyspraxic person I am not a very good sleeper and if I am not careful I do show poor posture and clumsy movement.

Physical activity such as gymnastics and dancing were and are always difficult but I am better at team sports were controlled movement is not quite so important.

Sadly one of the most noticeable aspects of Dyspraxia, the tendency of bumping into objects, of this I am a repeat offender and I often have the bruises to show for it.

Fine motor co-ordination skills (small movements):

Technology and Art were never my favourite subjects at school. Over time and into adulthood I’d say I’ve grown to have more confidence in things like woodwork, making art and even some cooking but I used to dread them at school.

I always felt like I had to conform and be as good as everyone else at what I did when I never really had a hope of achieving the same standard. It was a kind of pressure that often got the better of me.

I had little grasp, physically and mentally with some tasks and whenever I could get away with it I preferred to just get on quietly and even at times, do as little as possible.

I was notorious at School for not being able to do my own shoelaces. We tried all sorts of things to get around this. Each of which brought me all sorts of scorn from my peers for turning up with footwear that dared to be far too different from everyone else.

I will never forget the laughter and fingerpointing from the rest of the children one break time when instead of “tieable” laces like everyone else I dared to turn up with adaptive “non tieable” laces that appeared as a kind of coil. I solved one problem by not having to tie shoelaces but the bullying I received because of them was another problem altogether.

Peopled asked questions but even I could see that it was not sincere. By the time I’d mastered the technique for shoelace tying I had either left school or was close to leaving.

Poorly established hand dominance:

When it comes to writing, my hand dominance has always been left. I’m a lefty 🙂

I’ve always considered myself to be left handed. There aren’t too many of us lefties out there but I’m one of them. I write exclusively with my left hand. I type with both (I love typing), operate my phone with either hand, holding it in the other and operate the computer mouse exclusively with my right.

Going back to my writing though it is definitely better on my left but as I found out later, my Dyspraxia is the main reason my writing never really developed to be neater.

Speech and language:

I certainly do have problems repeating myself in speech or text. I think this is out of social anxiety and a result of my cluttered brain. When talking, I find the brain process of thought and translating to speech can just shut down on me leading to situations of half words, Freudian slips to absolutely no speech at all. Or sometimes I’m even blocked from saying what I want to say, leading me to feel shy and awkward. This can all happen very suddenly and at any time.

After my earliest years, and I think before Junior school, I got rid of my stammer but I’ve always had some difficulty getting to know how to pronounce new words depending on how difficult those words are. So I can be very choosy about when I bother to speak or add to a discussion praying that none of this comes back to haunt me.

Eye movements:

When I first made this post, I neglected to mention that I am cross-eyed and have been for as long as I can remember. I’m okay with these and in control, particularly when reading. It all just depends on how focused and alert I am, but I don’t consider this to be one of my biggest problems.

Perception (interpretation of the different senses):

Notwithstanding what I’ve said in the above paragraph, my vision is fine… But the perception is perhaps a little low. I know what is in front of me and what is around me but I think the problem is it takes me that fraction longer to process it all.

I’m not over-sensitive to light, or at least I don’t think I am.

I’ve never admitted this to anybody in my life, but I do have a particular disliking for being touched. In particular, being poked unexpectedly. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. I’m fine with gestures like hugs and handshakes as these are anticipated and expected but any unexpected sense of touch, my body does not like.

I’m sensitive and always have been to tactile experiences like taste; which is another way of saying I’m a hopelessly fussy eater.

I sometimes find myself hearing things. Things that make me jump a bit and look around. I’m tricked into thinking I’ve heard things that I haven’t. I put this down to my chaotic and over-active brain making me feel like I’m experiencing things that simply aren’t happening.

Learning, thought and memory:

I’ve touched on this already but I have an awful lot of difficulty in clearing my mind and organising my thoughts. I don’t even know what this means. I think that it means I have a lack of focus and can be erratic and messy about things and I have a nervous and closed complexion.

My other big problem with this is the inability to remember instructions. A couple of years ago I was in Sunderland to meet my sister and her family for my Birthday. I made sure I remembered the post code to her house for her sat nav because even as she was telling me the directions to her house I knew I was taking 0% of it in.

At school, when I had lists of things to do and remmember my heart just sank. I was expected to do and remember it all at times with no written note to fall back on.

At year 7 at the very beginning of the year, I remember there was a note on the wall of the Art classroom with a long list that said “What you should be able to do by the end of year 9”. I never did manage to be able to do any of those things and it had an effect on me throughout my school life. The idea that by not being able to do these things I had failed to be as good as my peers.

Emotion and behaviour:

First of all I want to apologise for all the many times I have in the past and all the times in the future I will lose concentration and drift off into a daydream when I should otherwise be listening to someone. I can’t help it. My mind wanders. I daydream and it’s by no means a reflection on the person who is speaking.

I can sometimes lose sense of self and interrupt people at the wrong times and it showed at times in my young life.

I remember once at school my teacher was telling us about the work we were about to do in an IT lesson. Quite suddenly I thought it would be a good idea to enquire about something he had said that I wasn’t sure about.

Not to the teacher but to my friend sitting next to me. It was quite innocent and school related but obviously not the best time to do it. I stopped when I noticed he looked awkwardly up the teacher. I did the same. The teacher was aghast. I felt quite silly and was suddenly was very quiet. But still, I made it out of that room alive. So sometimes I can lack tact and interrupt. I can also repeat myself. Have I mentioned repeating already? 😉

I do consider myself to have “good days” and “bad days” with my Dyspraxia but generally life is a struggle every day.

Emotions as a result of difficulties experienced:

I try to be a positive person. I have Dyspraxia and that is part of what makes me the person that I am today. But it can often get me down. I sometimes wonder why I have to have this condition. Why I can’t be more like other people and be more “normal”.

So I can get down and frustrated and can sometimes think of myself as in some way inferior to other people. I know this is not the case and part of making this post is because I want others like me to know this too.

Each and every person on this planet is unique and Dyspraxia needn’t be a barrier to you.

I know this has been a particularly long post and if you’ve made it to the end, my congratulations to you

I just wanted to write and explain from my own mind and heart how I think my Dyspraxia affects me most. I hope this post offers some encouragement if your own Dyspraxia gets you down. And that you, like me sometimes feel the weight of the world. And also by doing so, maybe you’ll come to know me a little better as a result.